After a long winding road, with its highs and lows, with the pristine peaceful walkways to treacherous dark forests, we come to a new path. We see the light, but we don’t know how far more for us to reach there. We may now have a smooth path ahead or we might have to fall and fail. We do not know and we will not know.
But what we do know is that we see the light. With light there is hope. Hope is what keeps us alive. Hope is what keep us breathing. Hope is what keeps us going. Hope…. that is all there is to it.
Bag full of experiences, good and bad, we keep walking towards the light now…
We always look up and ask ‘why’ many times in our lives. Why me. Why this. Why now. etc. If we give it a little thought we will know why. The moments clouds our thoughts, but there is always clarity. We just need to let our thoughts settle.
There are many incidents in our lives that happen, and has to happen precisely at that moment and in that manner to make that impact. We may think it might not be the best time or the best situation, but we are possibly wrong. It was precisely that time and for those incidents to happen to create the biggest impact.
Everything has as time, place and reason. We need to embrace it, however painful, and make ourselves better. These does not destroy us, it just injures and hurts us — wounds that will disappear but the learning will stay. This is akin to how we let our kids explore more dangerous activities with us observing them from a distance. Accidents do occur but they learn… and we are just nearby to help and make sure it is controlled.
We let them fall, we land them safe.
So does the person up there.
There is a reason.
There are many moments in our lives where we have been sad, worried, anxious, depressed and feared… to the point of total exhaustion. There are some moments which are a lot more intense and extreme and you could literally mark it as the bottom points in your lives. There are some things you can change and others you can’t. You worry about those you can’t and you worry more about those thing you still hope you could have changed.
When there is so much pain, it is really difficult to focus… to keep the head straight. Maybe that is why that pain is inflicted in the first place? The pain is so excruciating and possibly the worst point in your life that you also realise what is important to you. Sometimes we need hard knocks… and some other times very hard knocks to wake us up.
Finding peace in moment of turmoil might seem a little oxymoronic. I ask for God patience and he gave me annoying people to deal with. Similarly, I asks him for clarity and I was given some of the most difficult situation where I am losing my mind.
To create, sometimes one needs to fall apart. To crawl and find a way to walk again and to built it all stronger.
There are moments in our lives were ask this question – WHY AGAIN?! We should learn from our mistakes. But do we? We learn, we repent and we change for a while. We being animals of habit, sometimes we turn back slowly to what we were before — not exactly to what we were before, but a shadow version of it.
Maybe it is a memory thing — we forget what it was to be in that state again. Maybe we get bolder. Maybe we just need a stronger dosage to change ourselves. Strong dosage I say, not too heavy till we can’t get back up. We need a stronger reminder… stronger pain… stronger fear.
Why again? Because warning shots has been sent… now it is the final warning shot getting your undivided attention. Now… we will wake up fully. Once and for all. Situations like this helps us to finalise our paths – both where we want to go and where we do not want to.
Moments like this… we look up to the sky and start the conversation which has been long due. We don’t really ask why but rather to give you another chance to make things better. All we need is another chance and this time, finally, it will be very different.
If… If only….
If is a very powerful word. We use it a lot without even realising it.
If only I were prettier. If only I were a little taller. If only I were richer. If only I were a little bit more careful. If only I could have thought straight. If only I had expressed myself to her better. If only I had told my mom how much I loved her. If only I pushed myself just a little harder. If only I were more careful. If only I focused on my studies when I was younger. If only I had a baby. If only I had a better spouse. If only I took time off to be with my family. If only I had not made that stupid mistake. If only I were younger.
If… If only.
We all had that wish. We wished for something. We wish to turn back time. We want to do right what we messed up. We were younger. Maybe I could make a better decision if I were given a second choice. Our wishes could have been fulfilled IF that ‘missing’ element was present to make that happen. Many a time, we could have ‘fixed’ the problems if we had just taken the alternate path, or to have simply walked away. We did not…. and so we are here… with a bagful of ifs and possibly with it regrets.
We tell ourselves that we have control over our lives and we are pretty lucky to be living the life we are living. We probably even wisen up to be thankful for what we have and tell ourselves to be grateful for those…. but as much as we talk to ourselves and comfort ourselves on how good we have had it and keep reminding ourselves to be contented and be happy with what we have, when we see someone else living the life we want to live… don’t we feel the mood dampen? Don’t we secretly desire to have our places swapped? To have done things differently? The IFs start creeping in again.
We all go through the IF-stage at varying degrees. I felt ashamed that I even harbour that thought… but I so really want to turn back time, to change things, to clean up my act, to be better. I so badly want it… but we all know it is not possible.
Life is a interesting teacher. She teaches us to appreciate life by creating death around us. She teaches us to be hopeful by giving us hopeless situations. She teaches us to be good by making us do wrong. She gives us less so we learn to appreciate what we have. She makes us grow old, so we will appreciate the little time we have left.
We are all children with different gifts and we are being moulded by life everyday. Love who we are, learn from our mistakes, accept our flaws, embrace our quirks, and live a full life. Everything happens for a reason.
How often we have walked a path being sure that is what we want only to discover that it is not the right one. We change course, and this time we are ‘sure’ this is the correct path… and then again, it doesn’t seem right. So we take a completely different ‘obvious’ route and still stumble upon the same dilemma of being completely opposite of ‘being sure’.
What is wrong? Why can’t we get it correct? Are we really unsure or we don’t know?
We have all done puzzles – How do we find the right route through the maze? Do we get it right the first time? We try. We were sure but we were wrong… so we tried again. Unlike puzzles like this, life is not so simple with limited, pre-determined paths to follow. There are many unlimited, undefined, unconditional paths – each, once selected, brings us to the next step of the same routine of ‘choices’. Why are we caught in this maze with no beginning or end? If making the choice does not solve the problem, why then do we make the choice in the first place?
Who are you? What contributed to the current state you are in? What choices you have made gives you the current choice you have in hand to choose? Who and what will you be if a different set of options were offered… and choices made?
Life presents us all with situations, and with it options, and tied to that choices. It is either we get ourselves into that situations or the situations presents themselves. We need to make a call. Not making a choice is like clicking the ‘failure to make a choice’ button by default. Choices are made – either you choose or let it be chosen for you. THAT will define the next series of steps… and that cascades down to what and who we have become now.
We ask ourselves. Could I have become a different person? YES, we would have been… but we may not be asking ourselves that question if we were already a different person who chooses ignorance over the truth of self-doubt.
We make choices. Glad we made those choices to let us move, to learn, to become a better person…. and most importantly, to address the birth of new choices. There is nothing limiting us… if anything it is us who are putting layers and layers of shackles around us. Let’s be free. Let’s make those choices and live life!
We go through some painful lessons in life. We tell ouselves not to ever come back to that dreaded situation again. We remind ourselves time and again not to … and not to… and then… we find ourselves in the exactly same situation.Sad as it may, sometimes it take another rap on the knuckles or even two to wake us up. Complacency creeps in all the time.
As much as we will need to learn from our history, and not to let history repeat itself again, our learnings from the repeated ‘offence’ are different. It acts as both a reminder and to built our strong conviction. It makes us stronger… remind us about matters that really matters – which we conveniently forget or choose to forget.
But we need to learn. As stupid as it may sound making those same mistakes repeatedly, maybe we need to check for a pattern… maybe there is more to the actual mistake that we probably could have missed out in the first place… maybe there is a different lesson we could learn from it now. Whatever the situation, we need to learn from it… remember it… and re-live the pain to re-learn the lessons.
Let the misery live on… for that is the punishment for failing to learn the lessons. Let the time drowned in misery be a deep cast message to not to forget this again. Let there be permanent measures never to revisit this path again.
Let there be peace once this is all over.
The straight road we have taken has not come to a clear divide. We either take the left or the right. Which will we take? The problem with crossroads is exactly as the name states… a state where you will need to choose. Either choice leads you to forgo the other. It is a win-lose case. You win some. You loose some. The choices are not straightforward. When are choice ever straightforward. If they were, we would not have to choose. Choices… it is both an angel and devil mixed into you. What we decide now will define our future. We don’t know the impact and we can’t foresee the future. So we stare at the cross road. Not being able to take any of the path, we stand, we stare and we wait…. You can wait all you want, but not making a choice only locks you on the same spot. Then again who says we will need to choose. Maybe this could be our path – the path to nowhere.. or a path to nowhere undecided.
There are many instances in our lives where we did what we should not have done, and we live to regret. Sometimes we do it unknowingly. Sometimes we do it unintentionally. Sometimes we hope not to see it, hoping that the universe will sort itself out. That does not happen. We live to regret. Many a times we regret the things we did not do more than the things we did.
Some regrets one can feel very guilty about. To have done shameful things, not affecting others, but oneself. Sometimes others may not think much of it, but you tend to be hard on yourself – you know what you did was wrong. And you feel ashamed! For that split moment we make a mistake… a wrong judgement and a grave mistake is committed.
Guilt and Shame are very hard to go away. We just hope we close our eyes and it is gone. We can only hope. We have to live through it – it reminds us not to do it. It helps us to redefine us, our values and who we really are, and what we really care for.
Just take one step at a time to move on… and to look back once a while and to remind ourselves of the lessons. Life have many lessons for us. Some pleasant and others unpleasant – both allows us to grow and become better people… better humans.
How often we have talked about Fear as it was something to overcome? How many of us feel fear is a weakness? How many of us take it such that the opposite of fear is strength?
Fear is not a negative. Fear balance positiveness, to pace it, to bring out the better part of the positive. Understanding fear allows us to understand ourselves, our limits and our setbacks. Fear forces us to be better, for we fear it so much, we want to run through the other end of not fearing what we used to fear. Through of lives, we have feared many things. When we were young, we fear ghost and little green monsters. as we grow older we fear broken families, relationships, exams, competitions…. and as we move with time we fear death, and more so public speaking.
Fear does not kill, but it can give a sense of dying, so much so you wished you were dead. What is it that we fear? Fearing what was going to or not going to happen, what might or might not happen or even what may not or never happen? We don’t want it to happen so much we play it over and over in my mind causing our own fear. There are some who fear repercussions for their wrong or right actions, fear vengeance and fear punishment.
Fear is a good thing to have. It makes us what we are. How we react to this fear will make us what we will be. And it also guides us to the right path when the mistake is ours to fear.
Fear is not the opposite of courage. Fear is Fear. Accept and understand it – to be a better person.