We always look up and ask ‘why’ many times in our lives. Why me. Why this. Why now. etc. If we give it a little thought we will know why. The moments clouds our thoughts, but there is always clarity. We just need to let our thoughts settle.
There are many incidents in our lives that happen, and has to happen precisely at that moment and in that manner to make that impact. We may think it might not be the best time or the best situation, but we are possibly wrong. It was precisely that time and for those incidents to happen to create the biggest impact.
Everything has as time, place and reason. We need to embrace it, however painful, and make ourselves better. These does not destroy us, it just injures and hurts us — wounds that will disappear but the learning will stay. This is akin to how we let our kids explore more dangerous activities with us observing them from a distance. Accidents do occur but they learn… and we are just nearby to help and make sure it is controlled.
We let them fall, we land them safe.
So does the person up there.
There is a reason.
There are many moments in our lives where we have been sad, worried, anxious, depressed and feared… to the point of total exhaustion. There are some moments which are a lot more intense and extreme and you could literally mark it as the bottom points in your lives. There are some things you can change and others you can’t. You worry about those you can’t and you worry more about those thing you still hope you could have changed.
When there is so much pain, it is really difficult to focus… to keep the head straight. Maybe that is why that pain is inflicted in the first place? The pain is so excruciating and possibly the worst point in your life that you also realise what is important to you. Sometimes we need hard knocks… and some other times very hard knocks to wake us up.
Finding peace in moment of turmoil might seem a little oxymoronic. I ask for God patience and he gave me annoying people to deal with. Similarly, I asks him for clarity and I was given some of the most difficult situation where I am losing my mind.
To create, sometimes one needs to fall apart. To crawl and find a way to walk again and to built it all stronger.
Today has been quiet. It sure gets quiet without anyone around. Very quiet in fact. This moment that so is presented to me is so precious that I need to log it down.
What does this quiet do to us? For one, it gets us off the wheel and let us have a look around us. Did we notice that there were some emails that we have chucked one corner… did we notice the various websites we have yet to explore… new technology and new things that we can be done? There are some who will be totally lost with this free time. I am too… lost in a different way – on how to make so much of this short little window.
I can feel my breath. I can feel my heat beat. I can feel happiness. It feels like I are one with nature. As if I can communicate with the surrounding. And now my mind starts to think… or rather wander. Now this is where I start to think about life.
What is this life? What do we really achieve in living? I mean, in the end we are all going to die and there is no medal that we are bringing along with us. I feel envious of those who has a religion – which gives them something to believe it. But the fact is… once your mind expands to a certain point, having had seen beyond the horizon, it can never be contained within the parameters defined. Religion is a great anchor. I have had explored them for many years or even decades, but is just that… once you have gone deep in, the tsunami of spiritual aspirations just could not be confined within these boundaries. Many do no aspire to go beyond, for at the end of the square world, we will all tip over and fall. Well then again, is there any need to do so? For me.. Yes! There is.
I remember when I was young… I used to visit different places of worship. Whichever one I went to, I loved them all. The peace and tranquility that I sense there is wonderful. I always envied the great sages and saints all my life…. and I could sense their true happiness – To be free. To be one with all. To be the present in the presence.
My mind wanders again… I am getting old. We all are. What have we achieved? Yes, we have a family and there are many religions to choose from… We have money to get almost whatever we want. But what have we achieved? Or is it even necessary to bring up that question? I want to achieve… I want to do something with my life before it slips me by. Money has never made me happy. I mean… I do breath in relief when I get the cheques to keep my life going, but that is not happiness… that is relief. I get a nice gadget around the house, it is not happiness, it is trill. I get nice shoes and suits to look good – that is not happiness either, that is vanity. I take a glass of gin – that is fake happiness, like a sugar substitute. We do many things in life… how many of them bring us happiness. Most of the things we do are in the pursuit of happiness… In the hope that that action will make us happy… but do they? Instead they act like drugs, giving us an instant high, but fizzes out eventually.
So I need to pursue my journey toward Happiness. Towards Peace. Towards Solitude.